Facing Death Because of Cancer

The Shock of a Cancer Diagnosis

The recent news of Catherine, the Princess of Wales’ cancer diagnosis has certainly caused shock for many. Each year, in New Zealand alone, over 25,000 people were diagnosed with cancer. As of 2022, in the United States, 1,918,030 new cancer cases were found. Of those people in the US, 31% or 609,360 were projected to die of their cancer. It is always sobering and heart-breaking to hear when a loved one or dear friend or even acquaintance has been diagnosed with a possibly life-threatening disease like cancer.

Turning Shock to Action

No matter how bad the situation, there’s always silver-lining to any situation. Sometimes we just have to make extra effort to find it. Of course I’m going to relate this to facing death. Generally speaking, the main shock and fear that comes from getting a cancer diagnosis is that it brings a sense of mortality. A fear that, “I may die from this.” “What is going to happen?” The fear of the unknown.

Recently I was speaking to a dear friend who has been battling cancer. She told me how her cancer diagnosis has totally changed her outlook in life. She’s gone through different scenarios and all types of emotions and fears of course. Denial. Anger. Sadness. Anticipatory grief. Jealousy. Self-pity. But when she finally came to accept her situation without asking, “Why me?” and without blaming God or any other higher force, she has found some peace.

Several months ago, the wife of my cousin who’s only in her early thirties was diagnosed with cancer. She’s young, fit, and a doctor herself. Her reproductive organs were all removed as part of her battle against cancer. She and my cousin have been so stoic about the whole situation. They wanted to have kids but now cannot have biological children. They have completely accepted the situation and are now looking into adoption. Now a very lucky child or children will have a chance to grow up with loving parents who will be connected to them in a deeper way rather than just by flesh and blood.

One of my uncles is also a great example. He was a very accomplished and materially successful man. Very low key but also caring and humble. Despite having so-called yearly “executive check-ups” which was organized by his workplace, he was diagnosed with untreatable, stage 4 cancer. He “died” or left his body just 4 months after his diagnosis. After receiving his diagnosis, he unexpectedly made a huge change to his life- he took up spiritual practices which he had never shown any inclination to do in his life. He was not what one would call a “religious” or “spiritual person.” But upon receiving his body’s “death sentence,” he took it upon himself to find shelter in God. He was never angry or disappointed with his cancer. He never asked, “Why me?” What upset him was that people were paying attention to him and trying their best to assist him. His two youngest sons, took it upon themselves to care for him in a very gentle and nurturing manner. And when he finally left in a way which he was unafraid and peaceful, his two youngest sons reflected on how admirable their father was.

Accepting Death

Death is a natural part of existence in this world. Accepting death is crucial to truly living. If you’re not sure where to start in facing death, considering the top 5 regrets of the dying is a great place to start:

1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish I had let myself be happier.”

Consider how you’d want to live your life in a way that you wouldn’t have these regrets in your life. If you have a hard time relating to that, then try the following. Be honest with yourself. Is there anything you wish you had done if you died tomorrow?

In reality, facing death allows us to become “true” to ourselves. To actually live, not just ‘survive.’

Let me know your thoughts or questions. Wishing you all the best.