Grief and All Saints Day

What is All Saints Day?

November 1st is All Saints Day, which is a day celebrated in most Catholic countries around the world. Though in some countries, the celebrations can go on for more than a day. For example, in the country I grew up in, All Saints Day was the time everyone would visit their loved ones’ graves. We would often try to do all our shopping and any errands ahead of time to avoid the traffic jams. I also know of families who would go to the cemeteries days ahead to avoid the crowds. Usually, they would clean the graves, say prayers together for the departed loved ones, cook and bring the favorite food of their loved ones, then spend the whole day by the grave. Lighting candles for the departed is also a common practice, as is leaving a plate or two of the departed loved one’s favorite foods on their grave. People often also go to a mass on All Saints Day, to pray for all of their departed loved ones. In the Christian faith, anyone who is in “heaven” is considered to be a “Saint,” hence the name, “All Saints Day.”

Helping a Parent Who’s Just Lost Their Child

Just yesterday, the daughter of a dear friend of mine lost her firstborn child. Her daughter fell ill with bacterial meningitis. My friend encouraged me to write about her loss– in fact, our loss, here. It was a sudden illness, and as soon as it became evident that her daughter’s condition was more than just a common cold or flu, they immediately brought her to the hospital. But death waits for no one. And the pain that comes from losing a loved one~ a child, especially at such a young age (she just turned 7) is difficult to describe in words.

It is an experience that you cannot prepare for. And if someone you love or know has lost a child, don’t say things like, “It’s all going to be okay.” Or, “She’s in a better place now.” Instead, let your loved one know you’re there. Don’t ask, “What do you need?” Because I can tell you, a parent who’s just lost their child will be broken inside. Learn to empathize. Showing your care can be very practical. Bring meals. Help clean the house and do other errands- like laundry. Also don’t act like the child or person whose body has died is now forgotten. Share happy or funny memories. Keep their stories and memory alive. If you pray, let them know you’re praying for them and for their child.

One Step at a Time

Grief is not a one and done thing. In the beginning, for some people, grief can be like a tsunami. But of course, grief is different for everyone. And more often than not, people experience grief in five different stages, namely denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grief can often also come flooding back at certain dates or locations. For example, holidays can be triggers for grief for people.

Keeping this in mind, if you are grieving someone, don’t be hard on yourself. Keep moving and know there is true and lasting love. A deep love that doesn’t end. And if you helping someone in their journey of grief- be extra kind. Don’t forget their grief or expect them to ‘get over it.’

When the time is right, also consider the truth of “Aham Bramasmi” which is the ancient knowledge which means we are not these physical material bodies and are instead eternal spirit souls temporarily embodied. This also means that the person you are grieving for is still alive, and if you wanted, you can say a prayer for them and wish them well in their journey forward.