How to Talk About Death with Loved Ones

Talking about death is one of the first steps to facing death. Speaking to loved ones about love and death can be especially hard or touchy for most people. Here are some tips on how to start conversations about death.

Plan ahead

As with any important conversation, it can be really helpful to plan ahead. Sometimes our emotions can get the better of us when we talk about death and dying, and preparing a list of points or questions you want to make can make things easier. For example, some points you may want to discuss are:

• Advanced care planning – do you have one yet? If not, let’s prepare one for you. These are important because…
• Preparing or updating a will
• Is there anything else you would want to or need to discuss?

Depending on your family situation, you may also want to have this conversation during a family meeting or gathering, or where at least one other family member is around. That way, other people in your family are also aware of the wishes of your loved one or perhaps- your own wishes.

Talking about death can be fun

Death doesn’t have to be all doom and gloom. Let me put a disclaimer here- this may only work for certain families! You can even gamify your talks about death. For example:

• Create a list of death and dying related questions, fold them up and put them in a bowl. Roll a dice or toss a coin and whoever wins picks a question to answer. Getting the whole family to talk about death or answer death related questions also removes the heaviness that a loved one may feel if they are the only one being asked questions about death.
• Create a “death/dying this or that game.” For example, some of the questions may be: “Cremation or burial?” “Big wake and funeral or no funeral?” “Hospital or Hospice?” Someone I know even put in questions like “Who don’t you want at your wake?”